


up up up for the good show

by queerofcups



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Erections, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 01:10:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13423533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerofcups/pseuds/queerofcups
Summary: “I can get it up just as much as you can!” Phil squawks, ignoring the fact that that wasn'ttechnically,biologicallythe most accurate.





	up up up for the good show

“A single meal will last a dragon a month,” David Attenborough burrs, narrating the komodo drags slow stalking of a poor, defenseless deer. “They’re so successful that their only serious competition comes from others of their own kind, and there are some 2000 of them here.”

Phil peeks over his fingertips. He knows what’s going to happen to the deer, they’ve been sitting here watching Planet Earth for hours now, he recognizes the “cute animal about to die” music. 

“Would you ever take Viagra?” Dan asks as the screen cuts to two komodo dragons ripping apart the rib cage of some poor animal. 

Phil looks over at Dan, alarmed that he’d be thinking about erections at a time like this. Dan doesn’t look back at him. He’s curled himself up into a ball at the end of the couch, propped up on a small mountain of stolen pillows, looking at a bright blue book. He’s got his own bowl of popcorn and a half-empty bag of M&Ms and Phil makes a mental note to make them eat a vegetable in the morning.

BONK, the book declares, THE CURIOUS COUPLING OF SCIENCE AND SEX. It’s not the weirdest book Dan’s showed up with in his pre-tour fervor to do all the things he swears he won’t have time for while they tour for the rest of the year. But this might be the weirdest time to pose Phil one of the questions he’s come up with. 

It’s normal, as normal as anything can be when you’re preparing for a world tour, much less your second, and it makes Dan more nest-y than usual, so Phil doesn’t usually have complaints. Usually.

Phil pauses the documentary. He’d rather not talk about erectile dysfunction, specifically his lack of it, thanks very much, while komodo dragons are eating deer that just wanted to eat some grass and maybe find a bunny to befriend. 

“I don’t...need it?” Phil says, a little unnerved. He doesn’t get as hard as he used to, but a round of panicked mid-coitus google assured them both that that’s apparently normal. The drumbeat of time marches on and all that. But he’s still perfectly capable of getting it up. 

“I didn’t say you did,” Dan murmured, waving a hand. Phil watched the curiously elegant arc of Dan’s waving hand and rolls his eyes. For all his nay-saying, Dan sometimes slips into these moods of preciousness without noticing and it makes Phil want to muss him up a little. 

Phil tugs one of the new, celebrated slippers from Dan’s foot and throws it across the room to satisfy the little impulse. Dan barely reacts, tucking his foot under Phil’s thigh. 

“Would you, though?” Dan asks, wiggling his toes into hard little points of pain against the tender skin of Phil’s inner thigh. 

“Ow,” Phil grouses. “I don’t know? I don’t need them! Would you?”

“This isn’t about me!” Dan argues, finally looking up from his book. “Just answer the question.” 

“ _ You _ answer the question,” Phil says back, pinching Dan’s exposed ankle. 

He’s not upset really, but this particular mood of Dan’s makes him prickly and a little jittery. 

When they were younger, and their bodies were more similar than they were different, they talked about age and death and dying like it was hundreds years away. And it still  _is_ , if Phil is being honest and rational. But that doesn’t change the fact that he knows that the few grey hairs that  have sprouted up at his temple are resistant to take the black dye his hairstylist lays on, and he knows that Dan still sleeps through the night, when he does sleep, and doesn’t wake up at 3am, grumbling all the way to the bathroom. 

“I don’t need to answer the question,” Dan tells him, lovely and contrary as always. “Because I won’t need them for years!”

“I can get it up just as much as you can!” Phil squawks, ignoring the fact that that wasn’t  _ technically _ ,  _ biologically  _ the most accurate.

Dan gave him a look that said that he remembered, even if Phil was selectively forgetting, that that wasn’t exactly true.

“Shut up!” Phil says to Dan’s look and then launches himself at Dan, who promptly rolls them both off the couch and onto the floor. 

“I’ll show you impotent!” Phil says, like he’s not squirming around, pinned by the stone or two, and twice weekly visit to an actual gym, that Dan has on him. 

“No one’s calling you impotent!” Dan says, trying to grab Phil’s waving hands. “Also, this seems like an odd way to get hard?”

It’s been a few months since the last time they’d wrestled--the time Dan had grabbed the remote and held it above his head, as if Phil was more than an inch shorter than him and also above climbing him like a pole, but Phil’s wily and has the advantage of surprise on his side. 

He twists his hips, doing his best to flip them over without endangering either of them of hitting their heads on the coffee table. He doesn’t really succeed in doing anything other than kicking a little and rubbing their hips together. 

Something happens and David Attenborough’s voice fills their apartment again. 

“This giant however, isn’t looking for food,” Attenborough booms over the sound of komodo dragon’s growling and fighting over a piece of meat. “He’s looking for a mate.”

Dan raises an eyebrow. 

“No,” Phil says, even though he’s mildly turned on, the way he gets when they’ve been rolling around and Dan is rosy cheeked and long-fingered, broad shouldered and smelling of too-expensive soap.

“No?” Dan asks, his smile turned mischievous. “This giant isn’t looking for a mate?”

“She’s receptive,” David Attenborough answers and Phil rolls his eyes a lifts up to catch Dan’s laughing mouth in a kiss. 

Later, after, when they’ve both tugged their sweatpants up and Phil’s ninety percent sure he’s gotten carpet burn somewhere unfortunate, he turns to look at Dan smugly and says, “I told you so.”

Dan, whose hair has only gotten fluffier from further rolling around, props himself up on his hand to look down at Phil. 

“Told me what?” he asks, blinking in obviously faked oblivion. 

“Getting it up!” Phil says, falling for it like he does every time. “My lack of erectile dysfunction.”

“And you still didn’t answer my question!” Day says. “I never said you  _ needed _ them. I was just reading in my book about how men who don’t have ED take them sometime and have, like, marathon sex.”

“...ah,” Phil says, letting his head thump back onto the carpet. “Yeah. Yeah we could do that.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> BONK is a real book, I own it.  
> alittledizzy wrote a fic using the same prompt that you should also go read.  
> and you can give me a holler at queerofcups.tumblr.com


End file.
